September 30, 2009

Part 2: Fried Rice- The long version

Okay, this happened last night and I had to tell you part 1 to explain part 2. (Jen-story, remember?)

It took a while but I finally managed to get past the tuna/ cod incident. I can laugh about it now. Kinda. I am not unlike most mothers- I have the stunning ability to completely forget the most absolute pain. I learned only enough from the incident to stroke fish off any potential menu list but little else.

Okay, it’s Tuesday night and we need to be at Girl Guides in 30 minutes. I’m the first to point that I am not Rachel Ray and if we want to eat something other than grilled cheese or pancakes I’ll have to put on my thinking cap.

I need a meal that is vaguely healthy and quick. Healthy is hereby defined as having at least 3 real food groups. I’m not saying I made good decisions but here was my thought process:
1. I have left over pork roast but do not want to repeat last night’s meal.
2. Kids eat the pork better if I chop it up small, put it in something and tell them it is chicken. Ask any parent- they know this as truth!
3. Vegetables in the fridge: broccoli, onions, red peppers, carrots and frozen corn. They like everything except onions. Note to self: chop onions to no larger than nanoparticle and I’m set.
4. My kids will always eat rice. (NB: The tuna/cod incident was the rare exception.)

In my brain, last night, 1+2+3+4 = fried rice! I really should have known better.

Dinner is ready and we have 20 minutes until it is time to leave. I explain that everyone needs to eat their dinner before they can go out this evening. I place a bowl of rice in front of everyone. Georgia is whimpering already.

Olivia: (tone of disgust) WHAT is this?
Finn: It’s rice. (Starts flicking rice at his sisters- digging to see Batman at the bottom of his bowl.)
Georgia: I don’t like rice with sauce.

(Side note- my kids don’t like sauce. Whether real or perceived. A mere implication of sauce offends them. Deeply.)

Jen: There is no sauce. You have 20 minutes please eat your dinner or you cannot go to Girl Guides.
Georgia: (digs out nanoparticle sized onion, points to it) There are onions in here.
Jen: (lying) No there isn’t. That’s rice. (Make a mental note to look up what is smaller than a nanoparticle.)
Finn: Me no like rice. (Flicking rice on floor this time.)
Olivia: Why did you make THIS for dinner? This isn’t fair! Daddy would have made something good!
Jen: You like rice. You like chicken. (Again with the lying!) You like broccoli and corn. That’s what this is.
Olivia: NO! This is rice, chicken and broccoli all mixed up. It is NOT the same!

The next 17 minutes were occupied with Olivia’s very logical monologue about how if I just made things that they liked for dinner that it would be easier for everyone. And the unfairness of having to eat what I had made when I KNEW that they wouldn’t like it because it was all smashed together. (She is a smart kid. I really should have known that.)

Georgia just sobbed continually about having to eat onions (Seriously, does that kid have microscopes for eyes?!) and Finn just flicked rice until there was more on his shirt and the floor than in his bowl. Everyone was excused to go to their room. Me included. Scott came home late to find the girls crying and a disturbing trail of rice going down the hall. No one went to Girl Guides.

I'm not sure I can laugh about this one yet. Check me in a couple of months- I’ll have forgotten by then.

The short version: I made fried rice for dinner and it went over just about as well as the tuna/cod and asparagus. There was just as much shouting involved. No one went to Girl Guides.

Oh yeah, we’re eating f***ing pancakes all week again.


  1. Were you eating at my house this week? So far I have tortured them with meatball soup, spaghetti squash, and tonight????It's TOURTIERE! This time I grated the onions......hah! (insert evil laugh and scary music)

  2. I wish I had a way to watch in on those evenings, to funny!!
    Try this one, if you don't eat it now, you'll eat it for breakfast. Quentin always enjoyed this one, Colton has watched enough times he doesn't fight cause they always lose.
    I've learnt over the years is that I only make one dinner in our house, but I've had a few meals go much like yours did. Even a few that I didn't like. Just wait till you get the bright idea to make liver and onions.......I'd love to sit in on that evening.

  3. Thanks for the laughs - it's easier to laugh at someone else's supper time pain!