Week 1- A Good Start and OMG it is like high school all over again!

The Good News:

Total time: 3 hours 48 minutes
Total distance: 80 km
Weight loss: +1.4 lb (WTF!)
$ spent to date to upgrade my $99 bike: $189

Week 1: A Start
Okay- I won't lie: that was hard. But it felt really good to finish the week. I did all 6 days this week and matched the program for the most part. The only part I altered was the cadence (rotations per minute) on the "easy spin" days. I was supposed to be doing 85-92 RPM and I found that I couldn't maintain that for long so I was working at 72-78 RPM. One legged training- well, see below- was... challenging... on many fronts.

This is not an easy program despite being designed for the "beginner and overweight cyclist". This description matches me in both aspects but I think what was really meant was that it was designed for an overweight cyclist not just an overweight person. This, I think, is an important distinction. As a point of reference: at 92-100 RPM I am at literal risk of my pants catching fire and not because I am telling lies.

At the beginning of the week I read over my schedule and paused on what was listed for Saturday: "Warm up 10 min. After WU alternate 20-60 sec with 1 leg off the pedal and up on a chair. Get a total of 5min of 1leg training on each leg. Alternate legs as you feel. Cool down 10 min. 30 min total."

Um, 1 legged pedaling, right. Have you ever pedaled with one leg? I have. A lot. And it sucks. In high school I had my mother's old 10 speed which could be kindly described as a finicky beast. We'll call this one HIgh School Bike (HSB). You didn't dare change gears- even though it was stuck on the hardest one- or even think about pedaling backwards because even a gentle shift or backwards rotation would cause the chain to leap off and tangle in the pedals. I have more than one scar on my knees as a result. And, oh yeah, the left side pedal and/or whole pedal assembly fell off regularly. Usually when I was already late coming home and pedaling like a fiend to not miss curfew. Don't even get me started on the brakes.

My father fixed the pedals by welding the pedal assembly back to the gear bracket... as well as spot welding the pedal in place too. Well everything stayed firmly in place after that but FYI: pedals are MEANT to rotate. HSB was hard enough to ride without having to ride one legged ALL OF THE TIME in a hard gear! Shortly after the repair job HSB was run over by a garbage truck. I choose to think that the universe was trying to help me out.

That was my last bike until I spent $99 to buy this one. My bike is now code named B99.

So anticipating my one legged training this week I endeavoured to buy some pedals with clips and matching shoes. (Real cyclist have those you know.) The universe, again on my side, helped me out by making both items the last ones in stock, on sale and in my size! WOOT WOOT universe! These are certainly not my best looking shoes but they will do.

Pop Quiz: can anyone spot what is wrong with this picture? (Hint: look at the pedals.)

Some technical difficulties ensued in removing the the VERY well oxidized pedals off B99. (Understatement.) With Herculean effort the right one was finally removed but the left is still proving stubborn. And Scott did this trying to force the issue. In our house, it really isn't a proper project unless Scott gets to christen it with his blood. Ouch!

Summary to this point: Universe helping, Scott is bleeding, the right-hand clipped pedal installed, left-hand normal pedal can not be removed. And I still needed to do my 30 minute 1 legged workout. Yeah, you guessed it... it was like high school all over again.

Anyone have a spot welder I can borrow?

Footnotes: (pun intended)

This was too funny to not include. I am confident there is a both a lawyer AND an engineer joke within this picture about how many tools it takes to remove a pedal. But for the sake of my marriage I am going to just leave you with the picture.

How very Helen Bonham Carter of me, non?

Week 2- I needed to think of a way to make this harder (NOT!) so I am heading to Calgary this week for business. Travel, eating out and exercise in a hotel- Oh Dear! This will give B99 a week to think about her behaviour and her reluctance to give up the left pedal. Hopefully I have this figured out before next Saturday's 1 legged training.

I'll keep you posted.

The Challenge Ahead... and Fair Warning

The Challenger: Me!

The Challenge: To complete a 3 month indoor bicycle training program starting Monday, November 7, 2011. I have chosen this program. It will not be easy. My goal is to stick to this program as closely as I am able. This is going to be extra challenging for me to maintain this program through the Christmas and holiday season. I should finish just before Super Bowl.

What I will use to train: This is my $99 Zellers special. Not pretty but she will get me through this.

Why? This is a seasons worth of cheap entertainment, with purpose, and I suspect that my experience here will be rich in material for my blog.

Second reason of why: my parents are buying me snow shoes for Christmas (Shhh! Don't tell me!) and I want to be fit enough to be able to use them without the need of a standby Emergency Medial Technician complete with defibrillator. There's a lofty goal. No cardiac arrest!

Fair Warning to all: I will likely complain- even if I am enjoying myself. I try to be all Miss Mary Sunshine but my inner snark is a monstrous beast that could eat Miss Mary for a snack and still eat a truckers lunch afterwards.

Executive Summary- for those of you pressed for time:

1. I'm going to be spending a lot of quality time with my rusty old bike over the next 3 months.


2. Ultimate goal- no cardiac arrest. Ever.


3. If I happen to lose a few pounds while doing this it won't hurt my feelings.


4. I'll tell you how I am doing. Expect some sass. :)

Wish me luck!

Plants VS Abels

I love Halloween. Have I ever mentioned this? Every year it is my free-play at being completely silly and ridiculous. Of late we have tried to dress as a family or go with a theme. This year was based on our favourite family game on the ipad: Plants VS Zombies. (Don't judge me. It teaches planning and...gardening ... and... and... brain protection.)

You can see here in our 2011 Christmas card shot that we are: Balloon Zombie, Pylon Zombie, Newspaper Zombie, Crazy Dave and Zombie. (Would have been Flag Zombie if some one's mother had remembered to make him a flag at any point before we left the house.) Whew! nearly got my brains ate over that one!

Invading your neighbourhood soon!

...Eating the trees and plants protecting the house...

And, of course, Crazy Dave asking for bacon while giving sage advice on how to protect your home from the zombie hordes. (Are those my good pots?!)

We invited our friends Bonnie and Kevin and their sons Colten and Carson to join us for dinner and some trick or treating this evening. Colten and Finn are the same age and get along really well. Carson is only a few years younger. So we all gobbled our dinner and then all started getting into our costumes. I started putting make up on the kids and they were extra eager to show their friends their very scary make up.

I guess Olivia came downstairs and genuinely scared Carson. The shrill scream that filled the basement had the cats running for cover and Carson quivering, in tears, behind his father. It took some convincing but he finally came out of the basement to join the fun. But I will note that he walked behind the rest of us all evening.

I am soooo sorry that we scared you.

n

And last, but certainly not least, is the Wizard Bonnie!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ALL. I hope you had a few (minor) frights and many good treats!

Golden Boy! It's Finished!

IT'S DONE! Golden Boy is finally complete. It fits and he likes it. (Damn straight he likes it!) It only took me 10 months to knit and I have to say that I am pretty darn pleased with the results.

He's a view of two good looking boys and all of our pumpkins for the season.

Guess what I crossed off my "Someday list" today?

I have maintained a "Someday List" for a long time. This is a long list of things that I would like to do, see or achieve in my life time. These items range from simple to grandiose dreams.

Here are some examples of things on the list that I have been able to check off as done.

• Travel to France and see my pen pal's family home. DONE!


• Have a baby or three. DONE!


• Completed a full marathon. DONE!


• Take Scott to Comic-Con. DONE!

I have many more items to complete but I am very excited to report that I got to check off a new one today:

Ride in a helicopter!

DONE!

Normality Confirmed!

My gynecologist told me yesterday that I am "normal". I accepted his assessment as good news but mentioned that although his scope of investigation was rather narrow that I will still quote him directly when someone calls me weird.

I have a bulky what?! Did he just call me fat? Yo Momma...

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Shared photo book from jennifer

Click here to view this photo book larger

Singing in the Shower

Finn was singing in the shower this morning. (To the tune of Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl".)

"I kissed a girl and I liked it.
Taste just like cherry chop sticks."

(Image source: www.geeky-gadgets.com/lightsaber-chop-sticks-15-07-09/)

I wonder what cherry chop sticks taste like and who he has been kissing.

Sisterly Advice- A Vaguely Serious Post

My most recent example of excellent big sisterly advice... via text messaging.

Her: When you went off birth control did you have any noticeable side effects after having been on the pill for years?

Me: Yes. Pregnancy. Every time.

(Insert Sister rolling her eyes heavenwards and deeply regretting having asked me the question in the first place.)
____

BEFORE ANYONE ASKS: NO, this is NOT me telling everyone my sister is pregnant. Because to my knowledge she is not. Quite the opposite, in fact.
____

She thought I was joking but she knows my (and her own) history... we are fertile girls after all!

That, of course, wasn't what she meant at all. She actually wanted to discuss side effects of going cold turkey off the pill and what it would do to her. She had been reading internet "medical" data and chat room horror stories and had successfully freaked herself out. She'd had some symptoms and wanted to know if this was "normal". So, she came to me, her big sister, for some advice. (Mom was probably busy.)

I told her, reasonably I thought, that she should consult her doctor and that some of the things she had read about where possible but it was unlikely that she would get ALL of the symptoms at the same time. She knew all of that.

But I also told her something that she didn't know yet... "normal" changes after the age of 35- menustrually speaking. But that she knows her body best and she has to pay attention to what it is saying. She also has to share that information with the doctor to get the best information.

I illustrated this with a personal story, with a point, from a couple years ago. SPOILER ALERT: this story is about my period so if that sets off your T.M.I. alarm scan right down to the bottom for the point of the story.

I went to see my personal doctor because I was concerned that my cycle had been doing some wonky things. Until that time I had always been regular like precision Swiss clockwork, both on and off the pill. Now I was +8 days one month and -2 the next. It was very odd. So, of course, I did some internet research and had convinced myself that I had early stages of ovarian cancer. (Yeah, I'm an idiot. Not the point. Keep reading.)

So I go to my doctor and I describe my lack of normal cycle. He listens and then asks me my age. I tell him. He said that this change in my cycle could be that I was now over 35. That things change at about this age for women.

I emphasized how regular I had been, like, forever and was he very certain that there might not be anything else at play here. Seeing that I was not going to let this go he dug around on the inside of his desk for a little bit until he procured a little pad of paper. This was a menustral tracking chart. He then advised that the only way we would know if this was normal was if we tracked my menstrual cycle for 6 months or more. (Insert smug doctor face of knowing I would go away for at least 6 months and let him deal with patients who had real issues.)

So I dug around in my purse for a moment and handed him a piece of paper. I told him that I had already charted this information on my own over the previous +12 months and I still saw no pattern. (Bazinga!)

He was a little dumbstruck as he looked at it for a moment but evetually concluded that it was well in the range of normal but that normal, for me, had obviously changed since I had turned 35. He also added that I'd had regular PAP test which showed normal results so we had no reason to suspect anything odd was at play here. He also added that he thought I was a very peculiar woman for having had that charted already.

My answer to that was that how was: of course I had it charted. I noticed a difference and how was I supposed to prove a trend if I didn't have any data?

Any I bring it around to my points and I have a few:

1. Being aware of YOUR body is what is relevant. You should know your normal and know when your body is deviating from it.


2. Stay away from the internet for self diagnosis.


3. Charting and graphing- all the cool kids are doing it! You should too.

All of this sisterly advice in 140 characters or less. Not bad but I'm not going to quit my day job.

We'll be careful... I promise!!!

"Mom, can we do our nails ourselves?"

"I'm busy right now, Honey. Can this wait, please, until I am done cleaning the pool?"

"No! We want to do it now."

"Okay. Please do it in your bathroom and be really careful."

"Thank you Mom. We will. I promise!"

Exhibit A

Take one tiny bottle (10-15 ml) of Essie "a list" nail polish. Add two little girls and a curious kitten inside the boundaries of a bathroom. What could happen?

Yeah, well we all know what came next... an accidental spill...panic... a panicked attempt at clean up before your little brother can tattle ... dabbing the spill marks with nail polish remover hoping to make a clean spot... dumping the nail polish remover on the floor/counter/sink and scrubbing like mad with the bathroom towels...kicking the cat out of the room again before he can drink more nail polish remover... figuring out that you have stepped in the nail polish and you are leaving more marks on the floor with every step you take (including on the white bath mat)... and finally... sending the child whose arms and hands are 60% covered in red nail polish to tell your mom.

This is another one of those moments where I should have had the presence of mind to have taken a picture. But I didn't. I have not yet reached the Zen enlightenment stage in parenting where I can laugh before I yell. I'm working on it- I seem to be getting lots of opportunity to practice.

There was nail polish on the wall, the floor, in the sink, on the counter, on the door, on the mirror, on Georgia's arms and hands, on Olivia's sock, in the cat's fur, on the bath mat and covering 4 separate face cloths or towels.

Important lessons the girls learned from this:

1. 
   
   It might have been better to have confessed sooner.


2. 
   
   Cats are never helpful in stress inducing nail polish incidents- no matter what anyone says.


3. 
   
   It is a lot of work to clean this stuff up! But it is easier when mom helps.

Important lessons I learned from this:

1. 
   
   Holy F***! 10-15 ml of nail polish can go a LONG way! (Did they drop it from the frickin' ceiling?!)


2. 
   
   I have pledged my love and eternal gratitude to the makers (obviously a parent) of Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. I will NEVER be without these in my house.


3. 
   
   Initial reaction aside (yeah, I yelled, but HOLY CRAP you would have too!) I was calm enough to realise that each of the girls felt really bad about the incident and that they were punishing themselves worse than I ever would have. Accidents happen.


4. I really need to buy some new face cloths and towels for the kids' bathroom. I'm thinking black ones would be good.


5. 
   
   
   

   AND I'm putting a live squirrel in the car of the next person who buys my kids nail polish. I'm just saying.